The Transformative Life

Back to where I was November 8, 2009

For anyone who didn’t realize, I went back to blogspot:

http://www.amycrondiary.blogspot.com/

Just thought there might be more people who give a crap over there.  Plus, there are things I’m not in love with here at wordpress.  Sorry I didn’t mention it previously. 

Thanks Judith for asking where I was!

Whew! October 9, 2009

It’s amazing how excited I can be at getting my own space, and yet stressed at having no money, all at the very same time.  Right now it looks as though I’ll have most everything I need, except bedding.  I’m still not sure how I’m going to come up with that, but so far things have really fallen into place, so I’m not freaking out worried, just a bit concerned.

My official move-in date at the new apartment is October 18th,  but that’s a Sunday, so I plan to use that week to truck stuff over gradually, and spend my first whole weekend there the following weekend.  I’m planning to paint the kids new rooms and try and get everything organized before the kids join me there so hopefully it’ll be cool and awesome for them and not sad and spartan .

So you may have noticed that I have not blogged about fitness as promised.  That’s mainly because I’ve been spending every free minute moving money around in my budget trying to get it to multiply instead of blogging.  I have been working out, though.

My plan of late is to run M-W-F, and to do weights on Tuesday and Thursday, and a little yoga (and I do mean a little) when I can squeeze it in.  The weight is once again falling off after a long hiatus this past month in which I ate a LOT and worked out not so much. 

This morning I ran (and walked a few times) 5.12 miles, 60:00 minutes on the treadmill, and supposedly burned 559 calories.  Not too shabby.  Unfortunately, I have some slight hip discomfort.  I tell myself once the weight is gone the soreness will go too, but it is a concern.  Not enough to keep me from running at this point, though.

I’m just so psyched to be moving on with my life.  I’m really looking forward to the next year.  I think there are so many things to work toward.  To be honest, I’m really looking forward to January, as I think its going to be a frugal Christmas.  I know I can still make it fun for my kids, but the money is definitely going to be tight!  That’s good, though – I’ve been needing to learn to stick to my budget better than I have been this past year.  And at least my future, financial and otherwise, is back in my own hands again.  It was really stressful to feel like so much was out of my control and there were things I didn’t like but couldn’t do much about. 

Ok.  I’ve seriously got to go.  I really have things I need to do this afternoon and I need to leave work early enough to get home -  FEH is planning a run with some friends at 6 pm, so I need to get home before then.  This week is going to be offical “clean out the pantry” week for me!

Au Revior . . .

Did I say my life was changing? October 5, 2009

The husband and I have decided to go our separate ways. 

This is a decision that has been a long time coming, and not one taken lightly by either of us.  It was a completely mutual and generally amicable decision on both our parts (no, really!).   I think we both have issues with each other and just don’t want to spend the rest of our lives living this way.

While it will be a transition for our kids, we’re both committed to making it as simple and painless as possible.  I think my husband and I both are glad to be moving on with our lives.  I know for my part I’ve felt like I was in limbo-land, not enjoying the status-quo at ALL, but uncertain whether moving on was the right thing to do.

I’m not going into more details on the personal end of it, but it is going to mean major changes, I think positive, for me.  I’m even more motivated to make major personal transformation. 

In a few weeks I’ll be moving into a new apartment about one mile from our current place – the kids will spend half the time with me and half with the future ex-husband (hereafter to be known as FEH) alternating throughout the week so none of them are apart from either of us more than a couple of days.  This was extremely important to me – while I understand his desire to have equal time with our children, they are young and are used to me being their primary caretaker (however the FEH thinks the situation currently is).

Once in my new space there will be the excitement of organizing the apartment how I want it (yes, how I want it – me, me, me – no more getting by with a small corner of “his” closet, no more sharing the bathroom with the kids because “his” bathroom was too gross, etc.).  Along with the excitement of the new is the stress of coming up with the money to furnish this space (new bunk bed for the boys, new bedroom furniture, dining table, etc.) because we don’t have enough to take much with me – and frankly, I feel like I could use some new energy in my life.  I subscribe to the feng shui principal that objects have energy and I don’t need a bunch of hand-me-down furniture and decor from our old life to clutter up the new space with bad vibes. 

On the other hand, I’m broke, so it may well be a spartan space for a while.  And I guess that’s ok, too.  I’m determined to not go into greater debt over this whole situation.  Craigslist will be my friend.

Guess that’s enough for now.  I need to hit the road so I can start the nighttime routine (cook dinner, clean up dinner, homework for Connor, baths, bedtime, etc.).  It’s all good, though.  I feel like the weight of the world has been lifted from my shoulders.

My preliminary roadmap to improvement . . . September 29, 2009

In my last substantive post last week, I mentioned how I have a list (ever expanding) of things I want to focus on and grow in this coming year. I’m going to be 40 in November 2010 and I might as well get my act together now. Particularly given that my kids are still young enough that I can potentially influence them positively in some of these areas that I currently am, well, less than stellar about.

My overlying goal is to find my passion and begin living a life of greater adventure and fun. Try to get out of the day to day rut. Maybe even (gulp!) consider a new means of making a living – this job sometimes sucks the life right out of me!

That said, I’m broke. Am still clawing my way out of debt, while paying the equivalent of a mortgage to my daycare. In other words, I won’t be quitting my day job any time soon, so the answer needs to be to find a way to build the adventure in on a budget. In addition to the adventure, there are just things I want to improve on before I hit 40.

With that … I’ve been brainstorming the things that I really want to hit on this year. This is not a complete list, but some of the things that are flying through my mind right now. As I said in a previous post, my goal is to not take on too much too quickly so I don’t get overwhelmed, but tackle one topic at a time. One per month is the goal. Obviously, I’m going to develop 12 specific areas I want to work on. Here are some of my thoughts.

Health / Fitness:   Yeah, yeah, you hear this one all the time. Well, in my case I’m already making great strides toward becoming a health and fitness goddess. Or at least taking a more proactive stance on my longevity.

Education / Self Improvement: For this fun-filled area, I’m planning to work on goal setting, maybe try to learn a new language (Spanish, Chinese? Brush up on my French?), look into different career paths, maybe develop a hobby or two. Haven’t decided exactly what I’m going to do, but I’m mulling it over.

Home Organization:  My home tends toward chaos. Yes, we clean it off and on, but it still never seems fully put together. The kitchen always has stuff all over the counters, the pantry seems to need shoveling out periodically. My closet is not user-friendly and I don’t even want to discuss the kids rooms! My major goal for this is to develop techniques, schedules, and plans for getting organized. I’ve already found some fabulous resources that I intend to share on here (I “heart” Martha Stewart!).

Cooking / Meal Planning:  Sounds so mundane. So “mommy blogger”. Yes, but I think this is one of the keys to having more peace in the evenings, achieving my financial goals, and even developing a hobby. I spend WAY too much money getting take out and not shopping wisely due to poor planning. In my household, I’m the only one doing the cooking. And well, I hate to cook. No – I don’t HATE cooking; I just don’t LOVE cooking. And I think if I could learn more, develop some skills and more “staple” recipes I’m certain I could (a) save money on my grocery bill (major!) and (b) save time and stress in the evenings as I come home from work and have to get the food on the table for my husband and three small kids. Right now this is one of the most stressful times of my day! No joke.

Vacation / Adventure Planning:  Right now we have zero money for major vacations, but I want to develop goals and plans for taking some of the “big time” vacations I really want my kids to experience (and me, too!). From Yellowstone National Park (I’ve been there – LOVED IT!) to Costa Rican rain forests, to Maccu Picchu – there are a thousand places I’d like to visit, and if I don’t plan for it, it isn’t going to happen. In addition, there are plenty of fun day trips that we could be doing. Let’s face it, no matter how fun they are, Jacksonville Beach and the Jacksonville Zoo shouldn’t be our only weekend destinations for “adventure”.

So, the first area I’m concentrating on is fitness. Will talk about what I’m doing in the next post. Am out of time now. That’s the most challenging part about blogging – finding the time!

Fonts?? September 26, 2009

All:

I received a comment that the fonts are huge on this blog.  They look really small on my screen – in fact, I was worried they were too small.

Does anyone else think the display is weird?  If yes, I’ll look into it.  I can always pick another template, but I hate to make changes if it isn’t a universal problem . . .

BTW thanks for the comments.  Nice to know someone is still interested in my blathering on .

Where to start? September 23, 2009

Almost all the life planning / goal setting blogs and books I read suggest starting from the same place.  Imagine your life the way you want it to be, and then work back from there.  I started this process and then I realized this isn’t something you can do in a single sitting.  If I’m going to do this and do it right – really give it the attention it deserves – then I shouldn’t rush it.  I’ve a number of “final outcomes” that seem equally desirable, after all.  I need to figure out what outcome I REALLY, REALLY want!

But I’m all motivated, psyched to begin my transformation!!  What to do? 

Here’s what I decided:

I’m going to take some time to think about my overall dreams/goals/desires.  And in the next few months I’m going to begin discussing them.  In the month of December I’m going to document my goal setting process here on the blog.  This will coincide with the end of the calendar year, so it’s an ideal time to do some planning for both the short and long term.  (Yes, I know I’m not the first brilliant mind that decided the end of the year is a good time to plan the coming year.)

So what should I do from now until then?  I want to get going, get with it, get it together!!

In the interest of getting on with it, I’ve decided I’m going to start with fitness.  In order to have the energy to tackle all the things I want to tackle in the coming year, I need to be fit and healthy.

————————–

With that, I think we’ll take a little break in this blog to provide some background on me.  My life, and why I need transformation in nearly EVERY aspect of it.

My name is Amy Wright, and I am a 38 year old civil engineer.  I live in Jacksonville, Florida with my husband of five years, and my three kids: Connor, who is 5 and just started Kindergarten; Cailyn who is 3 (almost 4); and Colin, the baby at 21 months. 

Jacksonville Beach, September 2009

Like many working moms, my life is chaos most days.  I’ve always aspired to health, longevity and fitness, but the busy day-to-day things just seemed so overwhelming that when I would finally get home, all I really wanted was a glass of wine (or three five).  After having my last child, I ate everything I could get my hands on and actually PUT on weight, ballooning up to a high of 182 lbs, which is HUGE on my 5’ 3” frame.  I look back now and believe I was suffering from at least a mild case of post-partum depression.  I was listless, and while I wanted to be fit and healthy, I couldn’t bring myself to do anything to get to that point.  I was depressed about my weight, overwhelmed with the day-to-day demands of dealing with my kids (remember, at that time they were 4, 2 and a newborn!), and was also navigating some major workplace stress – problem projects and a crappy economy do not make for a fun work day. 

I don’t know what it was, but last year around New Years, I stared feeling more “up”.  More motivated.  More ready to pull myself together and focus on something other than just surviving the day.  I started to work out and eat better.  So far this year, I’ve lost 30 pounds.  I’d have lost more than this, but there have been setbacks.  I wasn’t instantly Ms. Together.  There were weeks when I ate like a pig.  And months where I barely worked out (I got swine flu – good times).  Overall though, I’ve been gradually dropping the poundage. 

So after my last bout of falling off the fitness wagon (after the swine flu thing knocked me on my butt and out of my going-to-the-gym routine), I’ve decided its time. 

A not insignificant factor in this whole rah-rah transformation thing is my age.  I turn 39 years old in November.  Which means this next year will be the big 4-0.  My overwhelming goal is to have my $#%^& together before I turn 40. 

So all of this had been brewing in the back of my mind – the need to focus more stringently on my fitness, the need to develop real routines for longevity (supplements, strategies, etc), the need to either overcome the ennui I faced at work or figure out what I really want to be when I grow up, the need to get my home organized (I’m not going into detail here, but it’s bad – I need to get to a point where I can help my kids learn how to get organized, stay organized and appreciate a clean and organized space – I think it will even help with the sense of chaos that pervades our home).  I need hobbies again, other than watching television (is National Geographic Channel a hobby?) 

I don’t know what happened, but a light bulb came on in my head last week, and I thought, “What am I waiting for?”  It’s a lot that I want to accomplish, but I just need to do it. 

I’ve given it some thought and because there ARE lots of things I want to accomplish in the next year, I’ve decided to break everything into a series of categories/topics.  I’m going to focus heavily on one topic each month, on the theory that in 30 days, anything can become routine.  That isn’t to say that I’m not going to do anything related to other topics in months devoted to another topic – it’s just that I’m going to really focus tightly on one topic at a time.  If I see cool stuff related to another of the areas I’m interested in, you can bet your buns I’m going to write about it.  Log it.  Remember it.  But I think some of the reasons that people don’t succeed in their goals is they try to take on too much at once, they get overwhelmed and then they fall off course.  I’m going to do my darnedest to make sure that doesn’t happen with me.

This is my year of transformation.  And even though it isn’t January yet, I’m getting started now.  (So I suppose it really won’t be a year of transformation – it’ll be like, 15 months of transformation, but that doesn’t sound nearly as catchy, you know?)

In the next post I’m going into more detail about the things I want to really focus on this next year.  I can tell you now though, that I’m starting with health/fitness – mainly because I’m sort of already doing this so it won’t take a major research effort to figure out what I want to do related to this subject – yes, it’s a cheat, but that’s ok, its my blog and my life so I can pretty much do it however I want, right?.

Interlude September 23, 2009

It’s possible that some of you may have been readers of my previous blog, which was more of a personal journal than anything else. If so, thanks for coming over here to my new WordPress blog. It’s a sign that my abandonment of that blog didn’t completely drive you away.

You may be wondering why I switched from Blogger. Mainly I just decided to make a change. WordPress seems to have more formatting options than Blogger. And I think if I decide to go with a personal web page later (which I’ve considered), WordPress will transfer easier. Not sure about this, but since it’s a moot issue at this point, I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it.

Finally, you may be wondering why I even started a new blog.   Yes, you’ve heard me talk big about transformation on my old blog, so why make such a big deal about it here?  Because this time I MEAN IT!! Honest!

No, to be honest, I feel like I overshared in the old blog. I was going through a stressful time in my life and I used the blog to vent. This one I intend to be more outward – more an exploration of some of the resources out there than just a journal of me. Imagine, I’ve discovered it isn’t all about me, me, me!! I’m planning to have lots of links to things I like, websites I enjoy, places I want to visit, things I want to try, things I find helpful. Frankly, I’m not exactly sure that what I want to do is going to be conducive to a blog format – I may end up going to a web page if I feel like the blog isn’t working for what I want it to. During my hiatus from blogging, I found that the sites I enjoy the most are ones with lots of links to cool stuff, interesting information, and diverse content. I’m interested in lots of things, so why not make a site that talks about what I like. Maybe no one else will be interested in the things I am. That’s ok, too. I’m mainly writing this for me. To document my journey and to help keep myself motivated.

As a final aside, let me say that I’m still figuring out how to make this blog look like I want it to. I may even change my format. Or tweak it, if I can figure out how. Just keep that in mind as you read. Onward and upward . . .